The Missing Piece

In a year many things can happen, we encounter many ups and downs, twists and turns and sudden speed bumps as we go through its path, regardless we keep going. Last 2018 I realized my biggest problem and the good thing about it was I finally realized my biggest problem. And now I constantly ask myself "how do I better myself?" 

For the past few years I have been someone that is known for being childish and playful, seldom are the times that I make my own decisions. 

When i was growing up I've always been told that I had to be more mature to make my own decisions. I was told that i need to think about the consequences of my decisions, they always tell me that the world doesn't revolve around me and that in making my decisions I should not think about myself but to how my decision would affect people around me, and how they see me as an individual and that was always my biggest problem. 

Because of these constant lectures I became unsure of myself, I always needed validation from others to do even the simpliest things. I needed to know if what I chose would make them happy. 

Sometimes people say I've lost my common sense, but I know myself and that wasn't the case. I was afraid, afraid that would make the wrong decision, afraid that I will make the people around me miserable , afraid that I may not be accepted.  I felt as if  I've lost a piece of myself. 

At the end of 2018 I asked myself, "why do i even need their opinion? Why do i need their validation?"  I knew that they are the ones being benefited, they are happy of what I become but I wasn't. I knew that i needed change. 

Now I will no longer be the person that puts others happiness above of mine, I will always remember that at the end of the day the most important person to please is myself. Gone were the days that I will let people step over me. I will find myself, I will  regain that missing piece, I will make myself whole again. It's a new year, I am a new person, a new Jullia Xyla.